Hmm?

In a way.. don't really know myself anymore.. as some people say... i'm changing but for the worst.. dun really notice it and i have been trying to avoid sleep as much as possible.. doing things i never thought i would ever do for example smoking or driving extremely fast and dangerous with people on board... I know I'm losing myself but I never really notice much of it till it's too late I guess... Kinda found out why I've been avoiding sleep as much as I can.. I feel vulnerable when I sleep.. I hate being vulnerable.. Guess I've been trying to be the strong one in the family.. the so called "man of the family" that I unconsciously block myself from feeling weak, from showing it to people.. Been crying in the middle of the night a couple of times but it's cause I was sure everyone was asleep.. Other than that.. this and deviantart are the only place I let myself loose... my emotions out.. I'm really sorry for all the hurt I've caused to my friends but I'm not sure if even realizing this would help me get back to the old me.. Will try but no guarantees..

That's all for how I feel today lolx.. XD