A sign please..

Would you give me a sign? A tiny little sign at least to show that you're still here thinking of us? of me? I miss you alot and I really dunno what to do anymore. I'm really lost and no matter what I do I just don't seem to find the point of it..

I just wish you were still here, that I can celebrate all this special celebrations and occasions with you. There are so many "what if" questions in my head and scenarios that I really am losing it day by day. Nothing works anymore and all I really want right now is whether you're still there, up there, protecting us, looking after us but most of all..

Am I the son you wanted me to be? Have I disappointed you? Because I do care even though I don't show, because I miss you so much even if I said I don't because you're the only one I never had a chance to appreciate... Sometimes it's so tempting to just join you. Because I really wanna be with you but I know it's not the right thing to do and I'm sure you won't want be to join you so soon too but... it's... just..soo... tempting..

I'm still keeping everything inside because I need to be strong just like you used to be. To always be the one that keeps the one I care going and happy. To show them that there is nothing to worry about and there isn't. I'll make sure that they will never see the helpless side of me. The lonely side but still I wish you were still here...

I'm getting this tattoo for you and only you. There's nothing else I can do much but with this you'll forever be in my mind and my body. That's how much I missed you, more than my life..

So please give me a sign... to just show that I'm still the son you love...

Myself

Just came back from a effing long yam cha session with Jenn, Su and Nigel lolx. Good day and awesome people to be hanging with. Kinda know what I want for my 1st tattoo and it means alot to me. More than anything in the world and basically the only way you'll ever see me in a way say I love you to a person anymore.

In a way I'm slowly discovering myself all over again and right now I know this, I have real low self-confidence, I have a physical attraction barrier thing when it comes to girls and I never express love or anything related to that in terms of friends and family. Haha that's me I guess and oh ya friend say I runaway from whatever emotions by just smiling and that ain't true! I hope ><

Well planning to cut my awesome hair on the 1st of july and I am going through an annoying phase. Seriously. Very DA annoying! Can't get rid of it easily some more T_T

Well ciaoz for now~ see you when I see you hahaha

Let's Pretend

Let's pretend
That we're whatever we wished to be
That we're happy all the time
That smiling actually WORKS

Let's pretend
Love is all around
It makes people happy
That marriage is actually a goddamn BLESSING

Let's pretend
I'm happy, you're happy
Work is awesome, home is awesome
That life is fucking AWESOME

Let's pretend
We love our friends and family
That everything is all good
That we have people to TRUST and COUNT on

Let's pretend that we're not pretending and lying and we're fucking smiling for it

Lost

I'm kinda feeling lost these past couple of weeks cause my internship is gonna end and although I kinda make plans and this and that and what I'm gonna do after internship I do not have a single clue whether it's really what I want or whether it's gonna happen the way I want it to be or not... Plus this feelings at night is gonna get me to jump down a goddamn bridge someday if it doesn't disappear soon. Seriously zzz

Well I used to write to release my feeling and pent up emotions but I can't seem to write and once in a while the inspiration is there and the words start popping into my mind but I can't find a paper or anything to write. And I prefer writing on deviantart when I'm alone and I never seem to be alone at work or at home cause of my lil bro but I don't blame him lolx.

Wanna get a laptop so I can have my privacy but it won't be so soon and well.. when I finally am alone the words and the feelings all just disappear and I'm left sitting in the room feeling numb. So yeah it kinda sucks right now but at least I'm always out with friends on weekends which kinda help me feel alot of better haha.

You know who you guys are and you're awesome I have to tell you that XD

Well that's all... gonna stone in front of the computer now~ ciaoz

Wow!

It's been a longggggg time since i've blogged hahaha. Didn't had the urge to write or anything for the past month. Well i'm actually having fun with my internship at astro as i've met a bunch of people and shit. Learn to some life shit things over there too and yeah. I kinda miss writing all the usual things write and all and might start back soon as I need to keep my writing skills intact as a mass communication student lolx!

Well got a new hair cut which is an effing mohawk. yes people the mohawk, mohawk not the malaysian fake one hahahha. Loving it and planning to get my ear piercing soon then my tattoo~ Still thinking of the design but for now things are looking good.

Met a DVJ haha and he is willing to teach me how to be a DVJ so that's what I'll be doing after my internship. Cause I plan to further my studies in Aussie and I need to save up cash for it. So yeah while saving money I might as well go learn something new wheee~

Well that's basically it for now haha. Till the next update =X