Year 2010. Who I am.

Well today I spend my last day of 2009 with my best friend su loy chuan =D. We are like none related brothers hahaha, had some awesome heart to heart talk and the jokes non stop lolx! It was all laugh and fun. We watched the movie sherlock holmes and laugh are ass off on how effing broke we are lolx! Had to wait for the movie for 5 hours which we watch at belakong jusco and we spend that time by me having starbucks and him having to enjoy the luxury of wifi hahaha. Played poker which I still don't understand how to play but we laugh and enjoyed ourself all the more. Met pak onn there and after the movie bump into my primary school friend justin low!! Damn man the people I've not been hanging with lolx.. Well it was an awesome start for me and a good night.

Well I finally found out who I really am. I'm the guy that's always optimistic even at my worst moment at that certain period there are still times when my optimistic mind would take over ahahah. I'm the one that will always be optimistic, the one that has a smile on my face and the loudest laugh you will ever hear cause that's who I am and how I am. My laugh is what makes me feel me, my smile is how I try to make people around me feel comfortable. I crack the lamest jokes ever and may be the most annoying person at times but I mean well and I will always be that way. People may not understand me, even the ones which I thought did. They all misunderstood but true friends they will stick by you no matter what. xD I can be emotional at times but that's my weakness as I am not perfect. I enjoy writing which I'm gonna start doing again soon once I get a notebook for myself, I love reading novels and I enjoy things most people don't. I think of the weirdest of lamest things sometimes but that's how unique my mind works.

I used to depend on people especially the one who I taught really understood me to ease the pain in me but in the end it didn't. Took me awhile and some sacrifices to finally know what I am and what it takes to get that real smile on my face. It took me to find out that no one understands me but I'm fine with that, everyone is different and unique in their own way. One just have to think positive and look in the bright side of life and who they are. If a person doesn't wants you or can't accept you for the way you are, then that is their lost for every person they kick out of their life, they lose a true unique person.

This is effing long but yeah, I finally found out who I really am. Would like to thank Su loy Chuan for always being there for me even though I can be the most annoying person at times or the one who complains my problems too. You are a true friend. I also find out, you can't depend on people for your problems, you just need to solve it yourself. The one person you can only rely on is yourself but friends out there will always be behind you supporting you.

Happy New Year and have a great 2010 year people, I know I am. For I finally found myself, part of it but I will keep on being who I am for this is me and no one can change that fact. Tomorrow I'm gonna post this thing I wrote which I really really like. It sounds emo and all but I really like it except the ending though lolx.

Resolution O_O?

Well I'm gonna try to not always feel down and depressed and not do anything about it lolx. bout time i guess that i see things this way.. I don't think it's gonna be easy but I have to do this if I wanna stop being who I am now. Well I guess you guys are gonna see the new me soon lolx. Needa get ma groove back and stop depending on liquor and ciggy's for my problems. Gotta solve them so yea this is ma 1st new year resolution in my whole life and I'm gonna stick to it till it's done XD! happy new year people and thanks for the advice even though you ain't gonna talk to me no more lolx XD

XD!!

HAPPY BURTHDAY WAFI! stop drinking milo or you'll become more noob xD and the chocolates are mine!! not yours! ever! XD

Alvin!

Watch Alvin and the chipmunks today with su and nigel xD whee! nigel can get me into events for free if he wants to lolx. i needa build up my contacts for future work purposes >.<.. now kinda interested to intern in a event magazine so that i can enter the events for free but i wont be getting any pay though which is the down side. Had an awesome day with them XD kinda feel like starting a blog bout event too but i gotta get at least a rm1000 dslr camera lolx.. maybe if i start working in my new job i can awesomely get the cash xD

Well woke up today and i felt fucked up lolx. kinda a 1st for me >.< anyway not gonna go moody over something insignificant like that XD. Going out on the 31st of december night xD imma suppose to invite some girls over so if there are any female readers out there who are interested please gimme a call ahahahhaa. leave a comment on the chat box if ya dun have my number O_O males are invited too but they want female cause nigel's gf doesnt want to be the only girl there xD

Ok.. gonna start getting my emotions controlled. been feeling so down lately. Guess of all the things that are happening and the things that I caused to happen but anyway what's done is done and I gotta start getting things controlled. Just a matter of time i guess

Haiz...

So confused and kinda annoyed with myself. Don't fucking understand why must I always let myself to be so vulnerable, always letting myself be the one that has to fucking make things right again when it was never my fault at all.. Sucks being the nice guy, well gave all my money to my lil bro cause he wanted to go out. I know I seem too nice but I ain't, too fucked up in my mind to know what I want or should be doing.

Gotta start from now on, no more fucking being vulnerable to anyone, no more fucking letting people get into my mind too easily and no more fucking trusting people too easily. I'm too fucked up to think straight now and I don't really give a shit.

Have to start putting it back now, being somebody I'm not used to ain't a good thing. Being a fake is much more acceptable to society.. lolx that kinda sucks much. Got an idea on what I want for my tattoo, not gonna do fonts, a picture says a thousand words.

Swearing non-stop now xD no thanks to Dexter's sister. lolx.. lame I know but who gives a fuck, I know I shouldn't be giving a fucking damn at all and I ain't going to no more. All I ever need is the people that can fucking accept me the way I am no matter how fucked up I am or will be. Who cares if I'm fucking better before, I am who I fucking am now and if ya don't fucking like it then fuck off. Simple as that.

Next wed, gonna watch sherlock holmes! whoot! this is fucking good news ahahahhaha. and I start college next week.. fuck.... Malaysian Studies I fucking hate you =D

BAH! HAH! oooh!

Well just came back from mid valley with su. We planned to go leisure mall and just head to starbucks to chill and chat but end up parking full so we went to the next nearest shopping mall.... MID VALLEY! ahhahaa.. parking was practically.. easy to look at movie was... packed =.= we wanted to watch sherlocks holmes but end up watching cirque du freak because it was sold out. Well i LOVE the book and the movie totally changed everything, they only use the characters name so yea it wasnt what i expected but it's still good XD. we totally enjoyed the movie. besides movie we went for pool and su treat lolx and starbucks XD. I NEED MA MONTHLY starbucks ahhahahaha... i missed my starbucks for 2 months already.. ahh

Well we chit and chat our problems and lifes and yeah.. what would I do without you dude. Thanks for being there with me XD. Now I'm gonna bang my head a couple of times before I can hit the bed XD. Insomnia is back~ FML

Merry Christmas

Hey people I know it's early but merry christmas. Not really gonna enjoy this christmas i guess but well I'll find a way to salvage it haha. If I ain't wrong I think she finally reach bout a 100k.. something something none of you will know xD

Well really needed to talk to somebody today after that call.. and there wasn't really anyone I can trust with this information so I kept it all inside xD i have trust issues~ people i do trust.. well they come and go don't they? hahahahahaha you make friend you lose friends you make new friends. that's life.

Gotta learn to keep things to myself again, was a mistake to start letting people know my problems.. not gonna happen a 2nd time again. hahahahahaha cant wait for tomorrows starbuck session! ahhh christmas and starbucks goes well together =D.

Hope all you people have a happy and blessed christmas! everyone deserves a white christmas instead of a black one.

Bodyguards and Assasins

Today I watched bodyguards and assassins with roy and su at cineleisure hehehehehehhee.. would like to thank roy for inviting me to have banana leaf rice with him and umm kdu law lecturer who is my friend too >,< sorry i cant remember ur name XD.. well me and su went to meet up with roy they all at kdu and we drove to eat banana leaf rice at kanana curry house (hope i spell it correctly)

Then after lunch we went to watch movie at cineleisure~ the movie was effing awesome! seriously enjoyed it and its kinda touching.. and the ending is seriously sad.. haiz i wanna watch it again but its just so SAD! seriously people go watch that show! its worth ur money...

Anyway around 6pm we started our journey back.. I cant tell the the effing jam we had to face! only reach home around 8.45pm! seriously it was that bad.. we end up using some random road and it turn out to be a road back home LOL! so me n su learned a new road hahahahah.

Anyway reached home and receive a call.. it wasnt good news at all.. kinda ruin the mood but oh well life cant always be happy ending.. I just want it to end.. but it seems to keep on getting worst and worst no matter how much i wish for it to end...

Well that's all for now.. hopefully tomorrow is a better day =D

Job!

I have a job! whoot finally haha.. can slowly save up for a laptop that i always wanted and then maybe a new phone but have to settle some debts 1st lolx ..all the lunch and dinners i owe XD. its an alright day for me today lolx.. i hope by having this means i can make my life and my family better =D.. gotta learn to keep thinking optimistic instead of being down >.< well we all make mistakes?

Going for banana leaf rice tomorrow with su and roy. Hopefully more people will join cause the more the merrier ahah.. just gimme a call or sms if u wanna join me! seriously i want u there XD whoever is reading this~

Hopefully

Gonna go for an interview tomorrow at bangsar for a event assistant job xD.. hope i get it cause i need the cash and i hope my luck starting to turn around by this call.. been having shitty luck. ahhh i need to find out where i can download full albums now.. i need ma daily dose of music xD

Changing

Well 1st of all.. I need to get myself out of this hole.. hoping to get some help if its possible.. just remind me how i used to be.. I need to do this.. I've been going through this too long already.. Needa start looking for a different route. hope whoever you are help me if u care.

I need to get all this on me oganized and destroyed lolx.. i guess this is the 1st step?

Decisions decisions

Gonna start giving up.. knew I should have done long ago but for some reason I kept myself from doing it.. no point going on now as it's obvious I ain't gonna be successful.. oh well, creating pain for myself isn't something new. XD life goes on, sleepless nights continue like tonight... Can't get myself to stop thinking bout shit and shit and yes more shit... I just want someone to hear me out but yeah I stop myself from doing that.. cause in the end I got sick of it.. sick of trying to find myself in a way.. Hmm in a way I'm something like a mirror I guess.. reflecting what people want to see instead..(from bandslam) =D awesome show hahaha... In a way, I kinda wish I don't have to depend on people so much no more..

Yup.. guess this is what I gotta do.. here comes the unknown numbers of suffering day and nights XD nothing new there. But I had loads of fun with su and his gang tonight, pool does wonders to someone and the smell of ciggy is refreshing in a way ahahahahhahaha didn't smoke though XD i'm good! Nightz~

Hmm?

In a way.. don't really know myself anymore.. as some people say... i'm changing but for the worst.. dun really notice it and i have been trying to avoid sleep as much as possible.. doing things i never thought i would ever do for example smoking or driving extremely fast and dangerous with people on board... I know I'm losing myself but I never really notice much of it till it's too late I guess... Kinda found out why I've been avoiding sleep as much as I can.. I feel vulnerable when I sleep.. I hate being vulnerable.. Guess I've been trying to be the strong one in the family.. the so called "man of the family" that I unconsciously block myself from feeling weak, from showing it to people.. Been crying in the middle of the night a couple of times but it's cause I was sure everyone was asleep.. Other than that.. this and deviantart are the only place I let myself loose... my emotions out.. I'm really sorry for all the hurt I've caused to my friends but I'm not sure if even realizing this would help me get back to the old me.. Will try but no guarantees..

That's all for how I feel today lolx.. XD

Just break it apart

Doesn't matter much no more, nothing works on me at all. Wonders what I'm suppose to be doing.. hmm.. been craving a ciggy till now... I feel so fragile on the inside i mean ahahahhahahaha. I'm laughing cause I don't care anymore. I'm kinda sick of hoping that it would come out... always in the end disappointing me.. And I don't allow myself to feel. I slap myself silly if I do. I don't want to feel no more. In a way, I've took too much that I could handle. Hah... wonder who's gonna say I told you so.. can't remember who but I know it's somebody.. dun care.. WHEEE~ dun have a fucking body clock no more.. cant sleep since... september ahahhahahahahaha like i said. I'm screwed up =p and i can still smile wheee~ see u petty humans =D dun be like me

Unimaginable

Just came back from Su and the gang =x... they knew what I was gonna do and didnt agreed to it but I still did... smoked a cigg.. dunhill if i'm not wrong lolx... it was 50 50 chance cause i was doing it alone at home... in the end decided i need something that'll calm me down.. it didnt work.. wasnt suppose to smoke the whole thing but i did... i'm screwed.. all i get from that ciggy was just a weird taste in my mouth.. was expecting to choke or cough or whatever 1st timers do... i didnt lolx.. seriously i'm fucked up =D i need help which my mom wanna bring me to =x professional help i mean ahahahahaha.. .dun give a damn i dun deserve to be wasted money on... i think she knows somethings wrong with me.. not sure cause i never really show whats bothering me XD not even my closest friend.. habit.. oh well.. see whether i'll continue smoking or not..

Storm Warrior 2 XD

I want to watch storm warrior 2!! have to start looking and booking for people before they watch without me lolx.. anyway been waking up early and going out jogging with kok pin then hang at his house dancing ahahahahah XD good workout wei! anyway now my sleeping time is during the evening XD cause that's when i feel sleepy lolx.. sad huh?

Bah no money at all and I have no effing tools to take a picture of myself so i can apply part time jobs.. need to go hunt for friends with camera phone ady ahahahahhaha.. this is depressing wei T_T

Stress Release

I need to find something to help release stress xD cigarette sounds interesting lolx.. but I'll see 1st xD coming home only feels like coming home to get stressed up and annoyed... so effing broke i cant even afford 1 teh tarik.. yes that's how broke i am now sadly.. haiz.. oh well at least i have awesome friends XD and back to jogging and dancing tmr lolx

Bad day

Bah.. feel like I've been screwing up all day.. cant get things to work properly... feels like what I've been doing all my life lolx.. yea it;s nothing to laugh about huh... i'm tired of shit.. shouldnt say it here haha.. not good to put my problems out.. people will start thinking i'm emo again =.=||..

Oh well... if you need someone to make your life sucks you know who to call.. haahaha.. ya well i dun really write for you people but for myself =P.. well i just wanna get off that i've been screwing everything up lolx.. sometimes i wonder how do people even stand being around me..

ok enuf =P time to read my book and go off to my lala land XD better than moping around..

laugh

ahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahah! i'm going crazy =P who gives a damn wheeeeeeee~ AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH FUCK U! AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA NOOOOOOOB

AHAHAHAHAHAHHA! what's even better? something happen to my family =D yes which is fucking awesome! ahahahahahahahhaa whoot! If you think your life sucks? think again my LIFE IS FUCKING AWESOME! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH LOL LOL LOL

Today is a bad night =P

If you think two is better than one.. yes i'm listening to that song now.. then 3 is even better and 4 is like WHOOT!! hahahahah the more the merrier right? XD trying to find some part time job so i can get some cash and get my ear piercing and possible my tattoo.. oh yeah my chivas too =D.. owe a few ppl money cause of the effing brokeness i am facing XD.. i am damn stress up at home that ciggs are tempting me cause ppl are telling me its stress releasing and i'm curious LOL ... you only live once right? if ya meant to die ya meant to die... sooner or later u gotta die either way =D... thats all~ whee tmr gonna go for ma jogging and january will be the month i offcially start going to gym

FREEDOM!

FREEDOM WHOOOT! finally finals are over and i can seriously relax... been gaming ever since the finals are over hahahahaha its my way of chilling =P wanna go out instead but short on cash.. very short lolx.. trying to look for part time jobs that are available... anyway going to walkabrella whee~ gonna WALk and WALK and WALK! hahahahaha see u people who are going there~