Once again?

LOLX it's september... realize it is seriously not a good month for me... it's september and things are happenin in this month again... maybe 9 isn't a good number for me lolx!! Well me and su are planning to get ourselves a zippo next month and after that plan his partay at his house where i'm planning to get totally wasted... after that have to plan where to take my mom to on her burthday and finally make time to visit my dad at his graveyard... Seriously i miss my dad and i kinda wish he was here... i'm sure he'll know what to do... Things are starting to get out of control.. especially at home... I so need some vacation so i can escape all the hustle and bustle for just a couple of days and rejuvenate myself...

Well anyone wants to plan a trip with me for maybe 3-4 days? ahaha anywhere but here is fine with me as long as it's somewhere where i can just let loose and forget bout everything...

Hmm.. bringing my laptop to work tmr cause my colleagues are really interested in how my laptop is hahaha...

Ok.. time to do some stuff to make myself sleepy so that my brain will not function and i can finally fall asleep~

nights humans~ hopefully i'm able to see u ppl soon whoever u are hahahhaha

Been a while...

Well I'm currently working now at bangsar as a part time events admin... Been tired lately and stressed up over some issues... Heck I've always got issues LOL!! well hoping to find a couple of days to just hang out all night and not go home for a couple of days... I am hoping and seriously hoping... that this will happen! I seriously need a break from city life and the people...

Been so out of the music world for some time... would like to thank yuen yim for still updating me with awesome music hahahaha! So need to catch up with them people larrrrrr.... i need to see some damn familiar faces ady!!!!!

Well gonna do listen to music, stone and then sleep hopefully~ kinda tired of always hoping, asking and dreaming bout it when I know so well it ain't gonna happen... Well sometimes we just dream too much now don't we xD

Truth is...

I stopped believing in your words, I'm gonna stop believing that there was really any hope cause right now... All I know is darkness and false hopes..lies..so screw you and all your dumb ass words cause from now on, when you need somebody, when you crave for somebody.. I SWEAR i'll not be there, I won't fall for that god forsaken trap anymore as I always did.. I'm better off now, I've learned so stop treating me as your fucking bobo doll cause I know to you.. I'm only here when you need somebody or when you need help.. other times i'm just "a person"

worldstage

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK SUEMITRAA!!!! because of u i have this awesome chance to go WORLD STAGE muahahahahahaha! i shall enjoy myself muahahahaha! THANK YOU SOOO MUCH SUEMITRAA!!! ya know i love ya xD

currently?

Well as the title says currently i dunno what happening... All I know is that I'm pretty lost right now and am pretty cranky as well... Well all i know is.. it's always YOU that pisses me off with the way you never reply me or bother bout what's happening when you pretend you care. It's pissing me off to the max because right now you are basically just playing with me and trust me someday you will regret it cause I will start not giving a damn bout it anymore and I'll fucking stop sharing cause from the way I see it.. it's not doing any shit that is helping me or you giving a damn.

Well I'm just letting of steam.. basically right now doing part time and just chilling and looking around for what college I should go to and do my degree haizz... I'm getting worst and I know it but I can't do anything bout it... might as well just let it be and see where I'll end up..

Well ciao people see ya~~

Sudden Craving!

I have this sudden craving to learn ballroom dancing! Heck I still love dancing it's just that I suck in it hahaha but I would love to learn how to dance ballroom.. I feel it's just so cool in a way... hmm Well hopefully someday I can find a class and learn =D

I need a break from all this shit. Might go on a Hiatus for awhile.. but not confirm yet

Fall for it

I can't sleep and it's already 2.30am. I should be exhausted and I worked at the coffee shop and then played badminton then hang out with su but I can't sleep at all... Well anyways end up writing this cause was hoping it would somehow get me to sleep or make me at least feel sleepy lolx. Well hopefully you people would enjoy it and critics are welcomed =) It's call "Fall for it"



Words
They're just words to you
Random sayings and phrases
But you never knew the effect it does to me

Burn
You love it
You totally love watching me burn
And yet you pretend you care

Honesty
What's that? I'm lost
Cause I don't think you actually have it
Hell...all I see is lies and goddamn fake prayers

Love
Do you actually know what it is?
Do you even feel love?
Cause you fucking say you do but you don't

Cry
You say you do, it helps
But does it? You act all helpless when you're not
Stop fucking playing with me cause it's fucking annoying

Fuck
Yeah fuck you cause I cared, i cared too damn much
And I'm saying fuck you now cause you don't deserve shit
Cause I love watching you getting fucked up

Lies
All lies.. all fucking good for nothing lies
To think I actually believed you
Damn it, all you do is lived a goddamn LIE

Bye?
I would love to just say bye
To just live on without having to care so much anymore
But you fucking can't leave can you? Can't you just say BYE?

Cause you love it
You totally fucking love it
The way you used me and mold me into believing shit
Cause you knew I'll fall it, a fall so deep I can't see myself anymore...

Random!

Just finish my internship at astro and i kinda miss the place already hahaha. loads of crazy time there as well as the crazy people XD Enjoy the place alot cause of the way everyone is open minded and that most people there are real friendly. Well currently waiting for a call from my friend bout this job. Imma photographer at this indian club hahha all i do is take pictures from 1am-4am and then upload them to their facebook profile. If the pay is alright then i'll take the job cause i'm seriously broke lolx!! So people if u wanna buy me lunch, i'm always available hahahaha

Well that's it.. got some pictures with some famous people(malaysia only) but lazy upload hahaha. well that's all I guess, night people gonna find a way to sleep! i hope. TMR PRESENTATION wheeee~

A sign please..

Would you give me a sign? A tiny little sign at least to show that you're still here thinking of us? of me? I miss you alot and I really dunno what to do anymore. I'm really lost and no matter what I do I just don't seem to find the point of it..

I just wish you were still here, that I can celebrate all this special celebrations and occasions with you. There are so many "what if" questions in my head and scenarios that I really am losing it day by day. Nothing works anymore and all I really want right now is whether you're still there, up there, protecting us, looking after us but most of all..

Am I the son you wanted me to be? Have I disappointed you? Because I do care even though I don't show, because I miss you so much even if I said I don't because you're the only one I never had a chance to appreciate... Sometimes it's so tempting to just join you. Because I really wanna be with you but I know it's not the right thing to do and I'm sure you won't want be to join you so soon too but... it's... just..soo... tempting..

I'm still keeping everything inside because I need to be strong just like you used to be. To always be the one that keeps the one I care going and happy. To show them that there is nothing to worry about and there isn't. I'll make sure that they will never see the helpless side of me. The lonely side but still I wish you were still here...

I'm getting this tattoo for you and only you. There's nothing else I can do much but with this you'll forever be in my mind and my body. That's how much I missed you, more than my life..

So please give me a sign... to just show that I'm still the son you love...

Myself

Just came back from a effing long yam cha session with Jenn, Su and Nigel lolx. Good day and awesome people to be hanging with. Kinda know what I want for my 1st tattoo and it means alot to me. More than anything in the world and basically the only way you'll ever see me in a way say I love you to a person anymore.

In a way I'm slowly discovering myself all over again and right now I know this, I have real low self-confidence, I have a physical attraction barrier thing when it comes to girls and I never express love or anything related to that in terms of friends and family. Haha that's me I guess and oh ya friend say I runaway from whatever emotions by just smiling and that ain't true! I hope ><

Well planning to cut my awesome hair on the 1st of july and I am going through an annoying phase. Seriously. Very DA annoying! Can't get rid of it easily some more T_T

Well ciaoz for now~ see you when I see you hahaha

Let's Pretend

Let's pretend
That we're whatever we wished to be
That we're happy all the time
That smiling actually WORKS

Let's pretend
Love is all around
It makes people happy
That marriage is actually a goddamn BLESSING

Let's pretend
I'm happy, you're happy
Work is awesome, home is awesome
That life is fucking AWESOME

Let's pretend
We love our friends and family
That everything is all good
That we have people to TRUST and COUNT on

Let's pretend that we're not pretending and lying and we're fucking smiling for it

Lost

I'm kinda feeling lost these past couple of weeks cause my internship is gonna end and although I kinda make plans and this and that and what I'm gonna do after internship I do not have a single clue whether it's really what I want or whether it's gonna happen the way I want it to be or not... Plus this feelings at night is gonna get me to jump down a goddamn bridge someday if it doesn't disappear soon. Seriously zzz

Well I used to write to release my feeling and pent up emotions but I can't seem to write and once in a while the inspiration is there and the words start popping into my mind but I can't find a paper or anything to write. And I prefer writing on deviantart when I'm alone and I never seem to be alone at work or at home cause of my lil bro but I don't blame him lolx.

Wanna get a laptop so I can have my privacy but it won't be so soon and well.. when I finally am alone the words and the feelings all just disappear and I'm left sitting in the room feeling numb. So yeah it kinda sucks right now but at least I'm always out with friends on weekends which kinda help me feel alot of better haha.

You know who you guys are and you're awesome I have to tell you that XD

Well that's all... gonna stone in front of the computer now~ ciaoz

Wow!

It's been a longggggg time since i've blogged hahaha. Didn't had the urge to write or anything for the past month. Well i'm actually having fun with my internship at astro as i've met a bunch of people and shit. Learn to some life shit things over there too and yeah. I kinda miss writing all the usual things write and all and might start back soon as I need to keep my writing skills intact as a mass communication student lolx!

Well got a new hair cut which is an effing mohawk. yes people the mohawk, mohawk not the malaysian fake one hahahha. Loving it and planning to get my ear piercing soon then my tattoo~ Still thinking of the design but for now things are looking good.

Met a DVJ haha and he is willing to teach me how to be a DVJ so that's what I'll be doing after my internship. Cause I plan to further my studies in Aussie and I need to save up cash for it. So yeah while saving money I might as well go learn something new wheee~

Well that's basically it for now haha. Till the next update =X

Recent Events

Well ain't blogging that often anymore cause I can't really have much to say.. well actually I do I'm just feeling really lazy to blog that's all hahaha. Anyway got myself a new phone which is the Nokia 5230. It had some flaws but I'm happy with the phone and that's good enough for me hahaha. Hmm.. work is alright at Astro and there a primary school gathering come up and I'm kinda excited cause I wanna see who is the people I've been spending my childhood days with hahaha.

Well That's really all for now and I'm hoping I'm gonna learn more stuff about radio DJ-ing because that's what I really wanna do because my passion is music haha. Well I know I can't talk as much as these people usually do and crap as much as they do but I gotta work something out if I wanna go on pursuing this path so yeah ><

Well that's all for now I guess so stay tuned for ma next update hahaha

Gabriel ma Friend! =D

Today hang out with Gabriel Thong hahhaha, my old time friend since I moved to taman connaught school~ awesome dude la wheee~ besides him there was also chee weng, chi meng, pak onn and hui ling hahahah =D Played some snooker and drank some mamak juices yeahhhH!!

I went to Tokio Hotel on Saturday, May 1st and it was effing awesome! No other words can be describe for their performances hahaha. Well currently waiting for my phone which is suppose to arrive either this week or next week~ Seriously can't wait hahaha cause this is my 1st phone that I fully used my own money to get =x

Well that's all for now~ wheeeee~

Hate Being Used

I hate being used.. I fucking hate being used so you better be smart enough to stop only calling me when you need me. Fuck off if that's all I fucking am to you.

Tokio Hotel concert tomorrow~ am really more excited to seeing pop shovit more than tokio cause i prefer pop shovit's music more hhahahaha. I bet if edward knew he would go nuts from not being able to rock out with them lolx! Anyway hopefully I'll get over this feeling.

I'm pissed... effing pissed....

Kelly Clarkson!!

YES!! I went to Kelly Clarkson's concert! I would like to thank SUEMITRAA for the free tickets!!! Seriously I would have missed this awesome experience if it wasn't for you!! awesome awesome awesome, its seriously the only words i can say... AWESOME!!

Went with yet wai haaha, didnt see her for such a long time and had a fun with her. Keana as well as Callen hahahaha. Well that's all for now, if I get pics from yet wai I'll post it up XD

For now I'm off whooot~

One more writing

My hands are shaking, shaking so violently. I can't control them, I can't control the chaos in me. The full force of multiple emotions trying to push them self out. To reach out into the open. I standing here, staring and staring into the open space. Thinking what is my purpose, where am I suppose to be.

I feel like a stranger in my mind and my body. I wanna break free, from this thinking from this rules from this restraint. I don't feel the same and no one would understand. I wanna do the unthinkable, the forbidden and the taboo-ed.

No one notices, no one ever does. I was never here, always in my own world. I can't drive, I can't walk and I can't crawl for I have no idea where I'm heading. I'm a stranger at my own home. It's worst to never be noticed in a place where people should know who I am.

My body is shaking, shaking so violently. I can't stop myself from shaking, it's controlling me. I'm here, I'm fading..I'm gone. Disappearing act like the wind, like the air itself.

I'm whispering to myself silently..

Blogging once again!!

Well just wanna say life is alright for now, tired most of the times but at least I still have times to go out with my friends hahaha. Just yesterday went to leisure mall with su and jenn to have starbucks! Yes starbucks.. I haven't had that in AGES! I love coffee hahah too bad it doesn't work on me much. Anyway currently working at Astro, AMP dept which is the radio department and at the part of the tech and engineering. I know Imma mass comm student so why I'm at a engineering place.. well gotta ask the due that hired me lolx. I'm fine with it cause I get to play around with the radio equipments =P

Anyway taht's all for now and the rumours ain't true people! THERE IS NOT HOT BABES IN ASTRO!! =D